As everyone knows who follows me on social media, I only have one boob. I wrote about my complicated relationship with my breasts here complicated-history-of-boobs-a-treatise-by-a-breast-cancer-patient.html and wrote about my decision to not reconstruct here to-reconstruct-or-not-to-reconstruct-that-is-the-question.html.
I did not reconstruct and I have no interest whatsoever in reconstructing. I walk around mostly with just the one breast but there are some issues. Paramount is the issue of being lopsided. It is uncomfortable to wear a support garment ALL of the time. So without one, the left breast just hangs out uncomfortably while my right side is free. So I continue to put my pressure on my left side, I notice my shoulder curving in on the right side to compensate for the unbalance.
When I was diagnosed and operated on, my main focus was on getting the cancer out of my body. I also refused to google or share my story at that time. There is a lot I could have learned if I had just been able to break free of my own shame and fear. Mainly fear with a dollop of shame.
I think I would have requested a bilateral mastectomy right away. I remember, though, vaguely, it being discussed as having little or no benefit to remove both breasts and that mastectomy does not cure breast cancer and some other tidbits. I was not thinking clearly though so I could be wrong.
I realized shortly after my connection with social media and other women who have experienced the breast cancer plot twist that I want to be flat. I know, it is insane. The same girl who did, "I must, I must, I must increase my bust" wants to be flat.
This December is my one year post op for my original mastectomy and I feel as though I am "healed" enough on the right side to remove the left breast. Funnily enough, my husband is upset about me wanting to remove lefty.
Obviously, it is not his choice but I find it odd that he would be so supportive of me losing righty and not reconstructing it and now have qualms about losing the left one and being totally flat. I can still, if I chose, pretend to have breasts (which is what I did way back when with socks and tissues) but this time with the inserts that are cheap, light and available on Amazon - www.amazon.com/gp/product/B071L816NB/ref=oh_aui_detailpage_o07_s00?ie=UTF8&th=1 (and no that is not an affiliate link - so feel free to buy it and not assume I am promoting it to get anything in return).
I will keep you posted on what happens when I ask for the left one to be removed. I am just hoping it is not going to be because I NEED to remove it - just prophylactically and to have an even body - so that I can dress how I want and be comfortable without being half jiggly.
This is what I do in the time between....
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