I could not wait to have boobs. As a child, I read the seminal book for preteen girls everywhere, "Are You There God, It's Me Margaret" (Judy Bloom) and tried the exercises mentioned in the book (everyone with me, "I must, I must, I must..." you all said the ending, I know it!). I even did some creative stuffing with socks and such to try to get some curves.
I grew up in a houseful of boys - 2 brothers and my dad and my grandpa - I wanted to be girly and I was. Before I knew it, I had boobs and I was so happy to wear frilly fancy bras (all uncomfortable) and I was always excited to be noticed by boys - sometimes men - check out my evidence above - one picture is from my freshman year of high school right after 8 grade graduation -- I was 13. I look 33.
As I got older, I just enjoyed having curves; wearing tank tops and having just a decent amount of cleavage that camouflaged the fact that my belly was never flat.
After having children, I knew my belly would never ever be flat and I embraced it all the while still loving my feminine shape.
I mean, once I left my teenhood, I was basically in long term relationships (one from 12-22 and then at 25, I met my husband) so it was not like I was out there hooking up and shaking my boobs all over town .... but, man, what I would have done if I had know I would lose my right breast at 39. (Commence montage of Lisa shaking her boobs all over town.)
The main thing is I would have taken naked (but tasteful) photos of my body - honestly, I would have done that anyway if I had the gumption, I would have done it just to marvel at what I looked like at 135 pounds - you know, when I was convinced I was too huge for words and now how much I would love to right that again but it ain't happening..
Now that I am working on becoming a breast cancer survivor, I know I cannot wear any of the shirts I used to wear. First of all, post mastectomy, though I lost a breast, between the surgical scar and the lymph node extraction I can no longer fit into my life long medium sized tops. (Sidebar: funny how my body went through 2 pregnancies, gained about 20-40pounds - sometimes more from my 135pounds- and could always fit in a medium shirt size.)
I need large tops and I need more of a high neckline because I don't have cleavage anymore - What is the singular of cleavage? Cleave? That's all I have is just the one breast. Also I can't have the sun on my skin especially since I just finished radiation in July.
For some time, my skin was too raw to wear any bras or prosthetics but I mainly stayed at home or wore big shirts and vests and stuff to hide the lumpiness on one side and the flat on the right side.
Now, at Disney, it's too hot to even care about my body shape, style or even dignity. I went out and proud with a fitted tee and no prosthetic. I wore just my coobie bra with the small padding and so I had a huge left boob (in comparison only; at most I was a 36-38C depending on my weight) and a little tiny padding on my right side.
I don't know why I haven't done it before. I mean, no one stared at me, pointed at me, laughed at me -- I don't know if I might be going viral on some website called "Freaks of Disney" (is there one, am I on it?) but I felt fine and still felt feminine and just more comfortable than I have been since I learned I had breast cancer in November 2016.
I am going to try to mix things up back home and not always wear the prosthetic. Here in Florida, I am one boobing it the rest of the trip! (Except maybe at the water park that prosthetic is just like a light sponge on my chest and it feels good to keep the chlorine a little bit further away from my skin).
Thanks for listening to my boob story and please let me know what you think about going flat on just one side :).
The Time Between Is, INC is a 501(c)(3) corporation - help us reach our goals of launching #balanceaftercancer
Search the blog here: