Anyone who knows me knows that I live to write. I have kept a diary since I am 9 years old and I still have them upstairs in my draw - book after book after book filled with nonsense, writings that probably should have been burned before my then 9 year old daughter found them. As she sat at the eve of her 10th birthday, we spent a few hours looking at my diary from that exact same age - her thoughts -that I was really weird and strange as a child. Cannot say that I blame her for those thoughts.
As I got older, I moved away from writing all the time to only recording when I was mad, upset, sad or some other negative emotion. Then, I got to a point where I did want to be "positive" so I started a private LiveJournal to document living with two children - it took me time and grief to have that second child so once I got over it, I wanted to document all of the things that made me smile instead of focusing on the things that made me cry.
When I was 38, I decided to get out there and launch a small business called The Next Step focusing on helping people figure out how to be college and career ready. I started a blog www.thenextstep1234.com/blog and was so inspired that I wrote and self-published 4 books. (I have mentioned before but I love to write and once I wrote the first one, the other 3 just wrote themselves.) I have my own Amazon author page, which has been a dream of mine since i ordered my first book on Amazon in 1999 - check it out here--> www.amazon.com/Lisa-Vento-Nielsen/e/B01BYRZ8W2/ref=sr_ntt_srch_lnk_1?qid=1503847844&sr=8-1.
I have not sold a lot of books at all - the truth is that I have been the number 1 buyer of my books and have given more away for free than I care to count. My idea behind the books was never to make money but to promote my business and my skills to clients and for that, it did work well.
Now, though, I am working on a very different kind of book. The kind of book that makes you (me) cringe more than I want to and that I am kind of afraid to write -the book about ME and my life and my experiences as just "me" pre-cancer and post-cancer. I was always a type A person - driven, driven, driven always able to juggle multiple things and focused on the big picture, which actually caused me more anxiety I think than being myopic and only focused on part of the picture.
When I was running my business, I was so invested that when I saw someone else getting press or some similar business getting work when I was not, it would bother me so much but I just focused on making myself think I was just "driven". Then, I was hired to be a full time teacher and walked away from running my business full time against my husband's wishes - he thought I should stick with my business. Three months later, I was diagnosed with breast cancer.
I wish I could say that I was superwoman and able to survive and thrive during cancer treatment but the truth is, I could not even recognize myself in the mirror or in my soul. I was not me (so I thought) I was broken and I struggled so damn much. But I was ME - just a "me" I never knew before - someone who could not care for her children, who could not "wow" my employers or myself - someone who really had some big lessons to learn about how to live.
During that time, I carved out time to do what I love to do - write and linked below is the prologue to my story - the story of going from Type A to Type C.
It is the most raw writing I have done to date - I would love to know what you think of it and if it is something I should keep working on - my idea is to self publish this book and have it included alongside my "professional" books when I tried to be "superwoman" not to diminish me or my story but to show me forever and ever that who I truly am inside is someone who is human and who just wants to survive.
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