How to balance with one boob is just the way it was before EXCEPT the little stuff just does not matter anymore and a LOT of it is little stuff.
I, kicking and screaming, actually learned a lot during this plot twist of breast cancer. A lot of the lessons, I think, I would have preferred to live without BUT on a whole, I recognize and understand it could always be worse.
I know the worst thing would be for my babies to grow up without me; for my husband to not have someone like me to kick his ass and still be in his corner no matter what; for my mom to lose her best friend (maybe one of her only friends as she is getting prickly in her old age); for my dad to lose his daughter - the one kid he knows he can always depend on even though I make him crazy, too; for my friends to lose me, the weirdo, who comes up with the strangest things that either crack them up or make them wonder if I am secretly insane.
I am insane. I am someone who always will smile and laugh no matter what because I get it - I always got it I just didn't have it tattooed on my brain until recently. No matter what your troubles are, no matter how bad it seems, it could always be worse. So you just smile, adjust your wig or your pixie cut and your one boobed self (none of which you planned for) and you put your lipstick and earrings on and do what you have to do - and then do 100x's more than what you can do.
Blogging every day this month is tough - it is something I barely have time for as I job search almost full time and manage my household of crazies (myself included). I also have medications to manage and side effects to side step but I just keep rolling with it. I have read some beautiful blogs telling it like it is for those folks who have the right to complain, who have the need to complain and get it out and I feel like I am standing in solidarity with them but I am focused instead on the positive because I just cannot help or change the rest.
I look in the mirror and I love me - all of me, even the missing pieces of me. I have scars, I am hurting but the hurt is nothing compared to what the hurt would be if I could not do this anymore. If I could not be here still ticking still standing no matter what. If you see me and ask me how I am, that is what I tell you, " I am still standing." That is my mantra, my story, my piece of wisdom to kick down to the next generation of women diagnosed.
It is not tough love but it is just reality - if you think you have it bad now at initial diagnosis and you cannot come to terms with having cancer wait until you get to the real hard parts. The hard part is not surgery, in fact, you are lucky if you can get surgery. The hard part is after surgery, beginning and surviving chemotherapy, dealing with job loss or other issues when-god-closes-a-door-he-opens-a-window.html and managing your children's fear of what comes next if-you-are-a-kid-and-your-parent-gets-cancer.html and dealing with the life post cancer but pre-cure. And hoping you will get to the cure part.
If I waited until I felt like me again well - that day may never come. I am this new version of me - and I do not think of it as all bad. I mean, hell, I am down to 145 pounds (holla) and I have not seen a 1 and a 4 on my scale in that order in at least a decade maybe more - the-weight-of-a-breast.html.
Even pre-cancer, if I met my 20 year old self in a time warp or something, we would not have recognized each other. I have made life decisions and grown and lost people along the way that 20 year old me would never understand. I am like an onion, though, because deep down at my core is 20 year old me, is 10 year old me and all of those versions of me are nothing if not resilient and maybe that was all done to prepare me for this new reality the-new-reality-of-life-post-cancer-diagnosis.html.
I cannot complain, though no matter how hard I try. I know I am not naive; I am just someone who was born an old soul, who saw a lot and processed a lot even as a child a-tale-of-two-novembers.html. So do not worry about me - I am over here balanced on one boob and smiling... come join me if you want to hear some crazy stuff. It will be fun, I promise!
This is what I do in the time between.
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