One of my favorite things to do of all time is to read. I am a nerd. I love books - all books. Reading is something I escape into - the way most people watch television is the way I read. I mean I can see what is described in the book in my brain while I read. You do NOT want to know my Kindle bill...I am the only person I know of that during labor, I was reading a book.
That being said, since diagnosis, reading is a minefield for me. You do not know the amount of authors who throw in a dead someone, usually dead from cancer, all willy-nilly like. It is ubiquitous and in the beginning of my diagnosis, I would automatically stop reading said book even though for me leaving a book unread is a sin - I finished that above mentioned book in labor, between pushes...
Now, I find it does not make me want to throw my Kindle but it is something that I still find annoying. I was so happy a book I was reading the other day had two dead people and did not ascribe either of them dead from cancer. It was joyous.
I do not mean to be weird but when you are dealing with this disease, it can become bigger than you. Meaning, if you look around you will see more instances of people losing their battle than you want to see - which is even just one. I turned off my social media for this reason - I could not handle scrolling through a Facebook feed of "normal" people problems (like, I do not know, a bad hair day) when I am bald and boobless. That might make me shallow or something but it is what it is and it is how I dealt with my new reality.
Through it all, I am learning and I do love to learn (hence my love of reading). I am learning that you have to let go, that people will surprise you both in good ways and bad ways and that social media is a curse.
I am also realizing that my love of reading is an escape and that I can finally read a book with someone losing their battle with breast cancer without throwing my Kindle means that I am getting a grip on myself and telling myself that will not be me. However, no one knows this for sure - not even someone without cancer knows when their time will come.
This allows me to enjoy reading a bit more again but one thing I cannot manage to deal with is the romance novels all focusing on women with two breasts; where are the stories about bodies like Amazons with only one breast like me or those who went flat on both sides? That would be something I would love to read - maybe I have to write it myself!
It would be something for me to do in the time between.
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